


Vision From The Void

by RySenkari



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Amiluz, Angst, Anxiety, F/F, Friendship, I Was A Teenage Abomination, Intrusive Thoughts, Lumity, Luzmity, Self-Loathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23247292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RySenkari/pseuds/RySenkari
Summary: Amity has befriended Luz, and now that Luz is going to Hexside, they seem to have a bright future ahead... but Amity can't forget the past, and how a careless action almost ended her new friend's life. Has Luz forgiven Amity, and more importantly, can Amity forgive herself?
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Comments: 9
Kudos: 257





	Vision From The Void

The past few days had brought a series of interesting developments into the life of Hexside's top student, Amity Blight. Most of those developments had to do with the strange human girl who'd dropped so prominently into her life, a girl named Luz who seemed to be determined to learn magic despite the fact that she had no natural ability to do so.

The two hadn't exactly started off on the right foot. Luz had helped Willow cheat in her abominations class by pretending to be one, a deception that had gotten Amity into trouble for the very first time. Luz had followed that up by cheating at their Covention magical duel, though Amity had, albeit unwittingly, cheated as well. Then, the two found themselves running for their lives at the library together, and had bonded despite the fact that Luz had read from her diary... though upon further contemplation by Amity, that seemed to have been the result of her older siblings' antics.

Now, Luz was going to be attending Hexside... right after the two had agreed to become friends. Amity had been reluctant to befriend the human girl, even after all they'd gone through together, but their shared desire to learn magic and the fact that both of them seemed to be nice people had drawn the two together in friendship, and despite Amity's continued reservations, she looked forward to seeing Luz more often... and perhaps even tutoring her in magic.

_For extra credit, of course_ , thought Amity, not wanting to be too generous toward Luz this early in their friendship.  _She's still friends with that owl lady... and I'm still not sure I can trust her._

But every time Amity tried to focus her thoughts away from Luz, she found herself quietly admiring the girl's determination and tenacity... and even found herself willing to completely forgive the diary incident.

_There's no way she read it on purpose. She's too nice. ...isn't she? She's never been deliberately hurtful toward me. Yes, she's caused me some problems, and she helped Willow cheat, but she's new here, she didn't even know either of us very well! And she helped save me from being sewn into a book. And she comforted me after I ran away from our duel. And she..._

As Amity walked down the halls of Hexside, lost in thought, she heard that same familiar voice from so many recent incidents, and despite her attempts to form a groan, she ended up forming a smile.

“Hey Amity, guess what? Oh, wait a minute, Principal Bump already told you. I'm gonna be going to Hexside next semester! I'm hanging out here because he wanted me to shadow a student.”

“Then... why aren't you shadowing Willow?” asked Amity. “Aren't you two close?”

“Well yeah, but she's doing a super important exam today, and besides, who better to follow around and learn stuff from than the top student at Hexside? I know I caused trouble for you last time, so I promise this time I won't cause any problems! I'll stay super quiet, see?”

Luz zipped up her cat hoodie until the fabric covered up most of her face, and gave Amity a thumbs up. Amity rolled her eyes and sighed, and Luz's expression turned slightly sad.

“I know, I know, last time I was here with you things got really bad... I pretended to be an abomination, and got your star taken away, and I nearly got cut open...”

Amity remembered it all as if it was yesterday. She remembered Willow showing up with her new “abomination”. She remembered losing her cool at lunch and pulling Luz out of the pot, which was what had gotten her into trouble in the first place. She remembered going to Principal Bump, and then...

Then Amity's blood went cold, like nothing she'd ever felt before. Her eyes got wide, and her pale skin got even paler than usual. She even let out a little gasp. She put her hand to her chest and started to breathe in and out quickly, and when she looked at Luz, her eyes looking out from the hood, the feeling of dread that was engulfing her only intensified. She stepped back, away from Luz, then turned her head.

“I... I can't. I can't, Luz. You can't shadow me today. Or... or ever.”

Amity then walked away quickly, hoping that getting away from Luz would make the feelings go away as well. As she was doing so, more memories flooded her mind. The glint of the knife in Principal Bump's hand. Luz's terrified expression.

_I'm the one who went to Bump. I'm the one who almost got Luz...!_

Amity clutched her racing heart tightly, slumping against a nearby locker, trying to rid the thoughts from her mind. She could see Luz coming toward her. She wanted to cry out, but couldn't. What could she say? That she was having horrible visions of her principal, or even Willow, cutting into Luz?

_She almost died and it would have been my fault! I wanted to expose Willow, I didn't want to get Luz hurt...!_

“Amity?”

Amity looked up at Luz, who had lowered her hood and was now leaning toward her with a look of concern. Seeing that look on Luz's face and hearing the compassion in her voice just brought more of the visions to her mind, and she turned to run again, but had nowhere to go. There were students everywhere, to the left and right of her, and if she tried disappearing into the crowd now, she was certain some of them would be able to see the distress she was in.

Then again, if she stayed, she was certain that _Luz_ would see the distress she was in. She was trapped, unable to go anywhere without someone seeing her like this... seeing the tears forming in her eyes as the thought of Luz on that table being sliced into played over and over in her mind.

“Luz...” Amity said, with a deep sigh. “Do you remember when you first came to Hexside, and pretended to be that abomination?”

“Uh, yeah, we were just talking about that, remember? I mentioned it and you ran away. Are you still upset about it?”

Amity looked upset, but definitely more of a 'sad' upset than an 'angry' upset, and Luz had no trouble picking up on it.

“You got your star back, didn't you?”

“It's not that, Luz. Do you remember when Principal Bump almost... almost...”

A tear rolled down Amity's cheek, and she looked away and bowed her head, completely ashamed of herself and unable to hide it.

“Almost dissected you?”

“Oh yeah, that was scary...”

“That was _my_ fault, Luz! All I could think about was getting back my star and getting back at Willow, and I didn't think for even one second that her 'abomination' might be a living, breathing person who might get hurt! I was going to let him cut you open, and you're not even mad!”

“Why would I be mad?” said Luz almost immediately, reaching down to wipe the tear from Amity's face. As she was doing so, Amity's mind screamed at her, and in a split second, she replayed her shameful nightmare over and over again. The knife, going into Luz. Luz, screaming and begging for it to stop. Amity laughing.

Luz's screams echoed repeatedly in Amity's mind, bouncing around her brain, unrelenting.

Amity slapped Luz's hand away, turned, and ran. She ran into the nearest crowd of students she could, wiping away her tears, closing her eyes, trying desperately not to let anyone see her, not caring if anyone did, only wanting to get as far away from Luz as possible.

_She's not even mad! SHE'S NOT EVEN MAD!_

_She forgives me and I don't deserve it._

_SHE FORGIVES ME AND I DON'T DESERVE IT!_

Amity lunged into the nearest closet and went inside. A living mop got up from its bucket and scooted over to her, extending a wet tendril of thread toward her hand.

“Get the hell away from me!” she screamed at it through a sob, causing it to retreat back into its bucket with a sad sigh. She hugged her knees tightly, rubbing her tearful eyes into her knees, begging her mind to stop replaying the memories of Luz's almost-dissection in her mind. _She's alive and she's here and she forgives me, so why can't I let it go? What's wrong with me?_

Shaking with sobs and consumed with self-loathing, Amity continued to fixate on that moment, unable to stop seeing and hearing it over and over again.

_I was going to let a human die for a stupid star!_

_What's wrong with me?_

The door opened, and Amity could see Luz looking down at her, making everything worse. She buried her head back into her knees.

“Just go away.”

“Amity... it's okay. I forgive you.”

Amity shuddered with regret, then despised herself for it. Luz was being kind to her and it was making her miserable. She looked up at Luz again, who sat down next to her.

“To be honest, I figured you knew Willow would stop Principal Bump before he cut me open. I never imagined you had any intention of letting me get hurt,” said Luz.

For a moment, the memories stopped plaguing Amity's mind, as she searched for clarity in her other memories... the ones she had of Willow. Was that why she'd let Bump's plan go ahead? Because she knew Willow would never, ever, in a million years let an innocent person get hurt? That 100 times out of 100, she would do everything in her power to stop that from happening? That if Amity had even the slightest inkling that Willow wouldn't stop the principal from cutting into Luz, that she never would have tried to expose her?

Then, the memories returned, as did the pain.

_I... I don't know. I honestly don't know._

_I don't even know who I am anymore._

“What if... she hadn't been able to stop him?” said Amity. “What if you'd have gotten hurt?”

“That wouldn't have happened.”

“But what if it _did_?!” Amity screamed sharply, choking out a sob as she spoke. “What if you'd been hurt? What if you'd been killed? What if I'd never gotten the chance to be your friend, because of my own selfishness?”

Luz gave Amity a look of understanding, and reached over to take her hand, which Amity quickly pulled away.

“And every time you say or do something nice for me, it's another reminder of how good a person you are... and how bad a person I am.”

“Oh, Amity...” said Luz, pulling her hand back to allow her new friend to have her needed space. “I didn't know it was troubling you that much.”

“It wasn't... before today,” said Amity, looking back at Luz and trying her best to fight the thoughts still making their way into her mind. “It's just... after we became friends, I started looking back at how I've been treating you, and it's been bothering me. Then I saw you today and remembered the abomination thing, and that's when it all hit me at once. Now I can't even look at you without imagining what might've happened if Willow and Gus hadn't stopped Principal Bump from dissecting you...”

“Are you imagining it right now?”

“I'm seeing it, I'm hearing it...”

“Oh, Amity...”

Luz reached over and took Amity's hand tightly in hers, and pulled it as close as she could.

“Amity, look at me.”

Luz waited until Amity looked up at her, not trying to take her hand back and fighting against the thoughts in her mind.

“I'm here. I'm okay. I'm your friend. That thing you're seeing right now, it didn't happen and it never will. It's just a thought and it'll pass.”

“...I don't know when it will.”

“When I have thoughts like that, I don't know when they'll pass either.”

“Wait a minute,” said Amity, raising her eyebrow in surprise. “You have them too?”

“Well, they're different. Like sometimes when I'm holding scissors at school, I imagine stabbing my friend with them, or when I'm standing over a balcony, I think about jumping off.”

Amity's eyes widened even further.

“I know... kinda weird, right...?” said Luz, whose unsure tone indicated that she wasn't quite sure she should've told Amity those things.

“Sometimes... when I'm holding my wand... I imagine burning Lilith with a really powerful fire spell. ...don't tell Lilith, I'd never _ever_ do anything like that to her! When I first had those thoughts I thought I was going crazy!”

“No, it's perfectly normal! The sciencey term for it is 'intrusive thoughts'... though I prefer 'the call of the void', it sounds a lot cooler!”

Amity was quickly calming down, even though she could still faintly imagine that knife going into Luz. Knowing that her thoughts, as scary as they were, were normal... that they were something she shared with Luz, and probably lots of other people, made her feel a lot better. However, knowing that her thoughts were just thoughts, and knowing that there was nothing wrong with her, did little to take away the feelings of guilt she had for nearly getting Luz killed in the first place.

“Those thoughts might just be thoughts, but what I did to you was real,” said Amity. “I still reported you to Principal Bump and almost got you dissected, and even though you forgave me, I haven't even apologized for it yet. So... I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. I never should've risked your life like that, and if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, I will.”

“Apology accepted,” said Luz, smiling warmly at Amity. For a moment, Amity had another terrible vision, but quickly dismissed it from her mind, and returned Luz's smile with one of her own. “And don't worry about making it up to me, it's okay.”

“I insist,” said Amity. “I'll let you shadow me today, I'll teach you some spells... I'll even let you come to Blight Manor for a slumber party. It's the least I can do.”

“Well, if you insist, I guess I'll be following you around today then! And you can definitely teach me some spells! But... I'd feel bad about going to a sleepover without Willow and Gus,” said Luz. “Is it okay if I invite them too?”

Amity thought back on her history with Willow and let out a sigh.

“I'll... have to think about it,” said Amity.

“It's okay, I know, 'witch drama' and all...”

“Witch drama?”

Luz giggled, and the two girls stood up and walked toward the closet door. As Amity reached for the doorknob, she could feel the wet threads of the living mop once again clasped around her ankle.

“I guess I owe someone else an apology too,” said Amity, giving the mop a pat on its threads. “I'm sorry.”

Luz giggled.

“You really are a sweetie!”

“Don't _ever_ call me that again,” said Amity, glaring harshly at Luz.

“And _there's_ the Amity I know! Good to see you're back to your old self again, now let's start shadowing, shall we?”

The two walked out of the closet together just as the bell rang for the first class of the day. Amity and Luz walked the halls together, and as the green-haired witch took one more look at her new human friend, it was the first time all day she'd been able to do so without thinking about what might have been.

All that mattered now is what is and what could be in the future.

_Thank you, Luz. For everything. I might not be able to forget what almost happened to you, but I also won't forget what you've already done for me._


End file.
